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Dale R. Goodman, Ph.D., D.MiN. 

Enriching relationships to thrive

Couples Fear Dance (Free)
Developed by Dr. Greg Smalley
Based on DNA of Relationships

The concept called Fear Dance is a metaphor for couple who get stuck in a cycle (dance) due to core fears. The attached document can be very helpful identifying what is pushing your buttons. 


The destructive conflict dance that couples engages in usually stems from fear. Ever person struggles with some core fear. The two most common core fears are loosing power with others or circumstances (feeling controlled) and the threat of disconnect with others. 


Most women have a core fear related to disconnection (separation), which is fear of not being heard, not being

valued, loosing the love of another or being alone. 


Most men have a core fear of helplessness (losing power), feeling controlled, fear of failure, or getting stepped on or misused. You can gain more understanding about this from this site. Understanding Your Fear Dance


Please print this hard copy form to complete: IDENTIFY YOUR CORE FEAR


When completed, please share with your counselor.